God gave us a couple of warnings about anger.
In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, (Ephesians 4:26)
The first warning is not to sin when we are angry. Whatever was wrong when you weren’t angry is still wrong when you are. If you’ve learned not to swear when you aren’t mad, don’t swear when you are. The fact that you’re mad doesn’t change the fact that it’s wrong. If you wouldn’t hit things or people when you aren’t mad, don’t hit them when you are.
The second warning is not to go to bed mad. You are going to have to learn to cool down. You can nurture your anger and keep yourself mad all night and wake up mad tomorrow morning. Or you can change your focus, thank God for His love for you, and find yourself cooling down and getting over your anger.
Most of the time your anger won’t help you be a good husband or Dad. You shouldn’t be directing your anger at your family.
Guys don’t rely on anger because they are strong. They rely on anger because they are weak. If you are strong, you are going to keep your head and look for a solution to whatever is troubling you. You are going to turn to God and trust Him.
The Bible says;
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, (James 1:19)
Are you quick tempered? If you are, you are probably carrying around worries and wounds that God didn’t intend for you to carry. If you are quick to anger, your idea of God is too small and your idea of whatever is making you mad is too big. If you have a big God, your problems and challenges will look small and you will be slow to anger.
James goes on to say:
for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. (James 1:20)
Some men may use anger as a defense to keep people at a safe distance. Others may use anger as a relief valve to blow off steam. But James shows us that anger isn’t going to be much help to you in becoming the man God wants you to be.
If you had parents who kept their head when you got mad as a child and didn’t let you get away with things because you were mad, then you are blessed. However, you may have had parents that thought you were cute when you were mad and laughed when they saw it. Or you may have had parents that gave you what you wanted when you got mad, making you think that anger was a good thing, a tool for getting people to do what you want. Anger may be a deeply rooted habit that you are going to need God’s help getting over. The good news is that God has set many men free from out-of-control anger.
A friend of mine, Marty, used to be angry almost all the time. Here is his story.
Before I was saved, I had a very bad anger problem. Looking back, I now realize that I was always in some state of anger, the severity of it just varied. I would get extremely angry very quickly and over things that were really insignificant. The things that would get me the most upset were things that should have been simple but weren't, like having problems getting my car key in the lock at night in the dark. Or things that should have happened one way, but didn't, like when I couldn’t get a bolt to go in because the holes weren't lined up. Instead of just dealing with the circumstances, I would often get mad and end up breaking or damaging something. But when I accepted the LORD and asked Jesus into my heart, my anger was taken from me. One night at work, about three weeks after I had gotten saved, I was walking down the hall and I remember that I smiled, because I realized at that moment what it felt like to be happy. I had spent so many years in varying states of anger that I had forgotten what it felt like to be happy. I have thanked the LORD many times for taking my anger from me. The best part of my story is that I never asked him to remove it from my life, it just happened. When the love of the LORD entered my heart, there just wasn't any room left for the anger and hate.
This post is an excerpt from the book, Marriage for Regular Guys With Weird Women.
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