Respect

Ephesians 5:33 “....and the wife must respect her husband.”

I bet you thought this is in the Bible so you can shove it in your wife’s face and demand that she respect you. It isn’t in the Bible for you at all. It is written to women. You need to go read the parts that are written to men.

Men want to be respected, but you’ll never get any respect demanding it. You’re going to have to earn it.

If you earn it, your wife will be very happy to give you respect. Here are the things your wife will need to see in you for her to truly respect you.

Love – God has called you to love your wife with an unconditional and sacrificial love. Let’s look at what Paul wrote to us.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

I suppose it’s safe to say that all of us will fall short, from time to time, of offering the kind of love Jesus has shown us. However, if you even come close, you will find that your wife will treat you with great respect. If you are a Christian man, I’m guessing that there have been moments in your life when this concept of loving your wife was clear to you and you were ready to go do it. However, the daily challenges of life, some miscommunication, and some disrespect from your wife may have worn you down. You may need to rededicate yourself to the task. You may need to pray again and let God fill your heart with His love. The Bible teaches us that He is the source of love.

We love because he first loved us. (1 John 4:19)

If you don’t have a lot of love in your heart, you don’t have a lot of God in your life.

Honesty – Telling lies is nothing new. There are several examples in the book of Genesis, beginning with the serpent. Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob all lied at one time or another. But if you lie to your wife, she is going to have a very hard time respecting you.

People lie to avoid embarrassment or to avoid the consequences of their behavior. A man may lie to his wife to make himself look better in her eyes than he thinks he would if he spoke the truth.

When Paul wrote about Christians growing together, he gave this simple principle:

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. (Ephesians 4:15)

Have you been in the habit of lying to your wife about your finances, the use of your time, or how things are going at work? You may fool her now and then, but she will eventually be able to tell if you are an honest person with her. If you speak the truth to her, you will gain her respect. If you are in the habit of lying to her, she will not respect you.

You also need to be honest with everyone else. If your wife sees you lying to people around you and cheating to get through life, she will think of you more as a weasel than as a man.

Strength – You can’t be the hero all the time and you can’t pretend that you have no weakness. However, there are times when a man has to be strong for his wife and family. God will give you opportunities when your wife and family are going to be counting on you. In life’s most challenging moments, your family needs you to be level headed and strong. If you give up when life gets challenging, your wife may be the one to pick you up, but you will have missed the opportunity to earn respect from her.

This post is an excerpt from the book Marriage for Regular Guys With Weird Women.